Life Interrupted

Many of the few of you who read this know that though I love being married and being a mom, that it has had its struggles for me.  Especially being a mom.  I never ever thought those were words that would come out of my fingers but it is true.  I wouldn't change my life for anything but growing up hearing everyone tell you how amazing of a mom you are going to be and then being one and not feeling all that amazing really puts a twist in your brain of who you are and how you are doing.  I find myself being super easy to frustrate, fluster, annoy and set over the edge.  I find myself saying, "this is not the person you ever thought you would be"  I find myself feeling guilty.  I have had so many moms tell me that one of the hardest things about being a mom is getting over the guilt part of life.  I am quite certain that all these feelings are normal and justified, I am also quite certain that I am really to get rid of them all, but that there is a reason I am dealing with them now. 

It is hard for me to answer the phone, to want to pick up the phone and talk to people or even email.  I find myself driving in the truck with the radio off and loving the silence.  I find myself yearning to be super motivated and conquer the world only to figure out that I get that motivation about an hour before I need to pick up the kids and then the house becomes a disaster all over again. 

People offer me advice on parenting and sometimes I can tell when people don't agree with our parenting.  Sometimes I don't mind this, until they think that that is the only way it is to be done.  We are strict with our kids, because well we believe they need that structure and that respect isn't an option.  I believe that once we get to a point that we agree is the right behavior and ways to be that strictness can be removed where trust has been earned.  I know others don't believe this, but I also know that every child and family is different. If I don't make our kids do homework at 4PM I guarantee it isn't going to happen on its own.  If I don't make them take showers and be ready for bed at 8, I guarantee the next day isn't going to look or smell pretty for anyone.  I also know that all of this is new for all of us.  Having a mom around, being a mom, having someone who is around to enforce actions and behaviors and to show that unconditional love to.

The fact of the matter though, is that like it or not, our lives have been interrupted.  Our church's women's ministry is doing a 7 week bible study on Jonah.  Priscilla Shirer leads the study and it is about Navigating a Life Interrupted.  The women at my table--wow they have had some interruptions and I am understanding that this moment and phase our lives are in here at the Carr household is an Interruption.  I don't think Interruptions have to be bad, but I think they are just that.  I hate it when I do get on the phone and it is an instant invitation for my children to start talking to me.  OH MY GOSH!  They sometimes want nothing to do with me until the phone hits my ear--then watch out!  But God puts interruptions in our lives.  One thing I am learning is that they are only interruptions to us, but to God they are all a part of His plan.  It is really changing my perspective on it all.  I found these equations to be rather interesting and totally shift the paradigm that I see this all fitting in... granted I just read it tonight, so I need to do some major shifting and our entire household would probably appreciate a miracle and that shift to happen by the time we all wake up in the morning... but anyway...


Insignificant Person +Insignificant Task= Interruption

Significant Person+Significant Task= Divine Intervention

Seeing the "problem" in a different light--wow--it kind of slapped me in the face tonight while I was doing my homework.  See If I see myself as Significant (which I am- I am a Child of God, I am His chosen one) and see my role in life (A stay at home mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a servant) then my life has not been interrupted but intervened!  God is giving me this time, these children, these friends, these moments, this church, this life. He has designed it, planned it and made it right--the more I see it as an interruption... the more I tell God that I think His ways are junk. 

I hate saying that I see my children as an iterruption.  I really don't, but it has been as compared to the life I was living. So making that shift was an adjustment... but if I see it as God's intervention how can I stop from seeing it as a life being blessed.  Now I still have things to work on mentally, and emotionally, and I still have children who I think God has given great skills to to test their mother... but making this shift in my mind-WOW!  It is going to help me to be a better mom, wife and all the other hats I wear will fit better as well. 

It's a Divine Intervention...
It's a Divine Intervention...
It's a Divine Intervention...